The Dark Side Of Helping People

This post is part of a new series called “Shock the Status Quo.”

A couple of weeks ago I finished up leading Financial Peace University for the third time.

As I was saying goodbye to everyone, one class member, I could tell, was waiting on everyone else to leave.

Part of my awesome Air Force team.

Part of my awesome Air Force team.

As soon as the last person left, I looked at her, and she burst into tears.

She stood there, struggling to find words and wiping away tears on her face. After a few seconds, she said, “This has been life changing.”

That moment is why MaryBeth and I lead this class and always will.

The mission

One of the great joys in my life is teaching and coaching people.

Seeing someone take something I’ve taught them and go change their life is simply amazing and warming.

Be it coaching a small business entrepreneur on marketing, teaching one of my outstanding Airmen something, or helping people learn to handle money well, anytime I’m teaching, I’m happy.

But there’s a great irony in being someone who’s personal mission statement is “to advance others through personal-growth education.”

That irony would be me, and I suspect you may be able to relate.

Isn’t it ironic? (Thanks, Alanis.)

Other than being flawed, I don’t know where this comes from. That “this” is frustration and talking negatively about the very people I’m trying to help.

Perhaps you’ve done it, too.

In the same moment you go from being high on life about showing someone something powerful to complaining about why they aren’t acting on it.

There’s no other way to put it. It’s ego run amok. It’s arrogant. And it undercuts our ability to help people.

A couple cuts up a credit card in Financial Peace University. Awesome moment.

A couple cuts up a credit card in Financial Peace University. Awesome moment.

And if this is you, I encourage you to join me to shock this from our status quo.

The focus

Complaining about someone in need not acting on advice is nothing more than selfishness, and a waste of time.

In my experience, it erodes our ability to help because it causes us to view people as weak or inferior or incapable. Not exactly what people in need want so-called helpers to view them as.

The truth of the matter is we, the helpers, are the weak ones when we lose sight of what we’re trying to do and who we’re trying to help.

At the end of the day, I guess we get frustrated, at least partially, because we’re confident that what we’re sharing will help, and we want people to act.

So, therefore, its well-intentioned, right? It’s all good then, right?

Wrong.

Let’s shock negative speak from the status quo and get on with the business of helping and advancing lives.

Question: Have you experienced negative speak undercutting helping a person or situation? Share below.

Advertisements