Social media and marriage

National best-selling author and speaker Jon Acuff wrote a great blog post Aug. 1 called “3 perfectly easy ways to wreck your marriage with social media.”  As a newlywed and heavy social media user, what he said resonated with me loudly.  The 3 ways are:

1. Add a 3rd party to the mix.  Don’t be on your smartphone connecting with others while hanging out with your spouse.  This does not count as quality time.

2. Find someone who “gets you.”  Be careful about who you’re connecting with online and how much time you spend connecting. Just like offline relationships, there’s danger in spending a lot of time with members of the opposite sex online, especially if these people share strong, common interests with you. All of the sudden you start getting more satisfaction from your online relationships than you do from your marriage.

3. Be someone else online.  Jon described this by using the “depressingly perfect” saying, “What happens in Vegas, Stays in Vegas.”  Don’t be someone online you’re not offline.  You will be forced into living a lie, and let’s face it, managing one life is challenging enough.

I’ve often wondered about some of the people I connect with online, especially those who always seems to be connected.  I see their blog posts, comments, and tweets at all hours of the day.  What I’m concerned about is who they’re neglecting offline in the name of “being social,” and “doing their job.”

I worry about this because I suffer from Jon’s first point.  My wife has had to remind me to put down my phone a few times in our young marriage already because it was “our time.”  The warning sign for me was when I whipped out my phone after dinner at our favorite restaurant one night without a second thought, plopped down next to her on the couch and launched Facebook.  You can believe that didn’t end well, and it shouldn’t have. She was right. I was stupid.

Up until that point, we were having a great time together talking, laughing and bonding.  In other words, we were growing our relationship.  We make it a point to invest in our marriage by being intentional with our time together.  A weekly date night is actually a written goal along with other annual goals hanging on our refrigerator.

I shortchanged a bonding moment for the both of us by letting my smartphone make me dumb.  And I undercut a shared goal that, like annual financial goals, are meant to ensure our life together is as great in 30 years as it is today.

Has social media caused you to re-prioritize your time?  Have you experienced something similar to what I have? How did do you deal with it?


4 thoughts on “Social media and marriage

  1. You absolutely must put down the smart phone around the ladies. They don’t like it. You wouldn’t even believe the look I get from the Mrs. when/if I pull that thing out in a restaurant – at any point, even if waiting for the check. I often wonder if our connectedness has done more to harm us than help us. There’s this feeling that we “need” to be connected to our social circles where in fact there is no need.

    • There’s definitely a place and time for it. Couples just have to be intentional about when and where that is. Date night is not it. Good to hear from you on here! (sent from my smartphone while not on a date)

  2. Pingback: Insulate Yourself From Life Crises. Be Weird. « Joel Fortner's blog

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s